Thursday, April 21, 2011

Don't Get Any Ideas

Before I begin, let me make something absolutely clear. I am a non-circulating Cat. I am for In-house use only.

Why do I feel the need to mention this? One of my Assistant Assistant Bosses came across a travesty earlier this week.

Apparently the Yale Law Library recently had a pilot program during which they circulated Monty, the library dog, to stressed-out law school students.

Here's Monty:

What they don't tell you is that Monty had thick, luxurious furs before they circulated him. He was probably snow white. He also smiled more.

Seriously, Yale students could "borrow" Monty for 30 minutes at a time, during which they could pet him, play with him, or just hang out in the same room with him.

Everyone is welcome to come in my Library and pet me, give me treats, rub my tummy, give me treats, bask in my handsomeness, and most importantly, give me treats. . . but I am For Reference Only Not To Be Taken From This Building.

Hoping no one gets the Bright Idea to barcode me,

Tober, Non-Circulating Boss of TPL

Wednesday, April 13, 2011


Ever since I decided on a fine of one (1) skid-load of Temptations treats for the assault on Garden Tober, I have been wondering how many treats are in a skid-load. I suspect that a skid-load will provide plenty for me to send to (you) my blogging friends and readers! So I have tried to Investigate.

My first Investigation led to a dead end. I have out-Googled Google. Look what happens when I ask Google how many are in a skid-load:

You might need to biggify, but you will see that I am the first Cat in the history of the Internets to ask Google how many are in a skid-load.

Now, since Google didn't seem to know anything, I went directly to the Temptations website, where I had AAB Christine fill out the little online form demanding to know how many Temptations come in a skid-load.

Well, a few days ago they replied:

Dear Christine:

Thank you for taking the time to contact Mars Petcare US.

Mars Petcare US is committed to developing quality products which meet your pet's nutritional needs. Your confidence in our products and continued goodwill are very important to us. We would like the opportunity to speak with you over the phone so please give us a call at 1-800-525-5273, Monday through Friday, between the hours of 8:00 a.m. and 4:30 p.m. Central Standard time.

When calling, please have the package available and refer to file number 011040082A.


K. Kelly
Mars Petcare US
Consumer Relations - Corporate Affairs

AAB Christine says she absolutely refuses to call the Mars Petcare people and ask them a stupid question about Temptations.

I think she needs to be Fired.

That got her all scared about losing her job, so she clicked on a linky at the bottom of the email from K. Kelly and asked how many Temptations bags come in a case, and how many cases get shipped together. Then we can Estimate (that means "guess" in Librarian) how many Temptations are in a skid-load.

All of this work is exhausting.

I hope the rest of the week is more peaceful.



Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Gourds Have Invaded My Library

My library is overflowing at all times with beautiful things: my Assistant and Assistant-Assistant Bosses, my board of trustees Super Bosses, the smiles and pats of the customers who ask to see my own Most Handsome and Mancatly Self, and--this week--a BE-YOO—TIFUL collection of GOURDS!! (Gourds are dead plant things.)

Although I was not invited, my AB Karen (who was Fired for leaving me and Re-Hired when she got back) spent 4 days setting up, enjoying, and taking down the Indiana Gourd Society’s annual state show. It seems that being the IGS President is Pretty Big Stuff and takes A Lot Of Work!! I am worn out with all the Work I have heard about, but I am very Pleased to check out and taste some of the new gourds in our library. She brought back some musical instruments, some bowls, some birdhouses (these have Great Possibilities as Cat Entertainment) and even some CARROTS! (More about Carrots later.)

Here is a gourd centerpiece made by IGS 1st Vice-President Jim Ballard of Greenfield, Indiana. (1st Vice-President is also Pretty Big Stuff, from what I hear.) Jim grew the long-handled dipper gourd, twisted it every single day (forever and ever) until frost killed it, then scraped off all the green skin. He made a gourd base and added some VERY TASTY flowers.

Now, all week I have tried to investigate this very Interesting centerpiece, and my Staff says No, No, No Tober! and makes me go play with attack something (not nearly as Interesting) instead. Then, today, my AB Karen puts me right by it and AAB Christine gets the Stupid Flashy Box and I get to nom on a flower.

Then right after AB Karen takes me AWAY from the Interesting centerpiece and AAB Christine says No Tober don't ever eat on those flowers again!

I'm so confused.

It is Sad, Very Sad, that My Staff do not trust me alone with the Gourd at night. They lock it in an office. It is only here until Karen figures out how to get it to Joy Bishop, an IGS member who won the gourd in a raffle on April 3 and lives in Covington, KY. (Covington is Far Away.) Joy is Very Happy to know she won such a stupendous piece and she and my AB Karen will figure it out. Until the big transport day arrives, I am allowed to daily check on the condition of the centerpiece. I trust EVERYONE will Notice that the Gourd is the SAME MANCATLY COLOR as Myself!!

Now, about those Carrots: It seems that Ann Lankford, a Very Nice Lady in Martinsville, makes carrots out of Banana Gourds. (I wonder does she make Bananas out of Carrot gourds?) She allowed my AB Karen to buy two carrots: one is to stay in My Office in the Library, but the other one was for Gene. Gene comes to the library for lunch almost every day and is known for his love of carrots, which he gets to eat almost every day: cubed carrots, peas and carrots, mixed vegetables, Italian blend, carrot cake—I trust my Readers get the Idea. The daily senior lunches are BIG on healthy eating even though Gene’s favorite kind of carrots is the cake with the Icing on it. Sometimes I get to sample the icing, but My Staff does not make Salmon-flavored Icing and that would be My Favorite!

Soon I will post about a New Cat in the Library—but now I need to check out my supper bowl—all this Writing has used up all the Complex Carbohydrates that keep my Curiosity Cells bouncing around in my Smart, Busy Brain. ‘til then—Happy GOURDING!!



Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Garden Tobers

Some of you may remember Garden Tober. He lived in the Library's Secret Garden for a very long time.

Well, I am Sad to report that Garden Tober has been replaced. He was mortally wounded while defending the Garden from Ice and Snow. (Actually his ear broke off and he looked tacky so AB Karen said to put him in the trash.)

I commanded that my staff replace him so that I was properly represented in the Outside World. They brought a very handsome concrete cat for the Garden and put my "Tober" necklace on him.

But then one of my AABs looked out the window this morning and saw this:

What happened here? Did someone covet my beautiful necklace? Were they trying to make Garden Tober II look goofy? I made AAB Photographer go out and put the necklace on properly. Soon I will contact CSI: Thorntown to discover who perpetrated this shenanigan! I will fine them one (1) skid-load of Temptations--the catnip flavor ones--and two (2) ethernet cords for their misbehavior!

But until then I will look handsome and purposesly not-pose with my picture:

How long do you think it would take me to eat a skid-load of Temptations? How many are in a skid-load?

Doing lots of maths,


Friday, April 1, 2011

Right now I am thinking. . .

. . . it would be nice if AAB Photographer would back away a little bit.

I hope April bring everyone lots of beautiful weather and flowers for chewing! (Except for my friends on the other side of the world; I hope you have crisp fall days!)

Have good weekends,