Thursday, January 29, 2009

I declawed myself.

As you may know from my earlier posts, I do not have fingernails. When I was younger, someone decided that I would not need them. I asked for replacements for Christmas, but Santa did not bring them. Since Cat fingernails are very small, I would imagine that they would be easy to deliver. Since I did not get them, I assume that Santa made a mistake, and brought them to the wrong Cat. As I mentioned once before, I will explain the mistake to Santa when we next meet.

Over the weekend, I had an Accident. I will not go into details because it is a bit embarrassing, but in the course of performing my library duties, I lost three of my toenails. I left a bloody pawprint on a desk (sorry, Linda), and the toenails have not yet been recovered.

I brought the Tragedy to the attention of my coworkers by licking my sore left foot. I tried not to lick it too often, because I didn't want them to worry (and I wanted to prove that I am One Tough Cat), but today it hurt really bad, so I licked it a bunch. Karen decided that it was time to visit the people at the Thorntown Veterinary Clinic. I was quite a handful during my last visit, but Karen assured me that no one would give me any pills, so I didn't worry about it too much. Luckily, the stupid pet box wasn't available, so Assistant Assistant Boss Christine hugged me all the way to the vet's office. Because I was being hugged, I could see out the window, and it was a very exciting ride.

When we got there, everyone was (of course) happy to see me. There was also a very large dog in the waiting room, but Karen and Christine promised to defend me if the big dog decided he wanted a Tober for lunch.

I was on my very best behavior. I let Dr. Jon look at each of my paws, and I was pretty nice until he got to the sore one. I must admit I howled. . . and hissed! I did not have to take a pill. I got a shot of an anti-inflammatory that will make my foot feel better. Still, I am not a fan of being poked, and I let everyone know by laying back my ears and giving them my grumpiest look.

I have very clean ears and I am maintaining a healthy weight. Best of all, I will get my three missing toenails back! We don't even have to find the old ones; I was told that three brand-new toenails would grow to replace the ones I lost! I think I will take extra-special care of my toenails from now on.

Who knew that Library work could be so dangerous? Next time you visit a Library, you should commend the staff members for their bravery.

I must also report that I have broken my New Year's Resolution. My Resolution was "I will not chew on any more important cords." I think that the importance of a monitor cord is debatable, but Karen does not. I very skillfully chewed her most recent monitor cord so that her screen has a greenish tint to it. If she jiggles it right, it changes to another color, and if she continues jiggling, it will return to normal. In my opinion, this development would make computer work much more exciting.

Although I am sad that I broke my Resolution. . . it was worth it!

I have excelled at the Pastor Jim Allen Reading Challenge. I pledged to read one book in 2009, and I have read three (so far).



Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Very exciting times!

First I must say Thank goodness my Assistant Boss is back! I am very, very happy that she is back where she belongs--with me. This library bunch is pretty difficult to manage, but I did my best. Let me tell you--it is very hard to manage people who can scoop you up and lock you in an office when they think you're being too bossy. This happened quite a bit. I told AB Karen, and I trust her to take care of this insubordinate behavior.

Special accolades go to Assistant Assistant Boss Friend Cathie, who went above and beyond the call of duty when I was missing Karen. Cathie brought in a mousie for me to chase. It was not a real mouse (which I would have considered a belated Christmas gift), but it moved around on the floor so I could chase it. It was as dumb as a real mouse, because it ran into walls willy-nilly, and got stuck under the rocking chair for a bit.
Here is a picture of me with the mouse:

I posed very nicely for this picture. This next picture, I did not pose for. I must say I am getting tired of folks creeping around with cameras, taking embarrassing photos.

It is very unnerving to look up from cleaning your nether parts to see someone turning on a camera. So far I have managed to avoid being photographed in that unfortunate position, but these people are very sneaky.

Now that my Assistant Boss is back, I can relax a bit. She is much better at Bossing, because the other Library Staff do NOT pick her up and lock her in her office when she begins roaming the building. I spent the day helping her catch up on paperwork. I also ate a lot of food and napped a bunch.

I also must tell you that today is a Big Snow Day in Boone County. Everything outside is white and cold, and I am very glad that I am a Library Cat. I am also glad that my library is open today, so that I can have plenty of food and petting.

Coming up I have a very important blog. I am famous. Look for it in a few days!

Stay warm,


Friday, January 23, 2009

Not a potato.

I overheard an Assistant Boss talking about me today. Apparently, when an email is typed about me (which happens frequently, because I am popular and important), the spellchecker tries to change my name to Tuber. A tuber is a potato or other root-y thing.

I am NOT a potato. I am not even potato-shaped.

Not a tuber,


Monday, January 19, 2009

Left Behind.

I was a very big help to Assistant Boss Karen in the last week. I helped her do paperwork,

warmed her chair, and even tried my paws at working the Adult Circulation desk.

Karen needed my expertise and support very much, and I did my best to help. I have been rewarded with my very own coffee cup--it says "Tober's Cup" (on the other side)--although Karen has decided that I probably shouldn't have coffee.

That is why I have not been able to post a blog lately.

But then, after all my hard work, Karen went on a Vacation and left me behind! Furthermore, she did not ask my permission to leave on Vacation, and by leaving, she is neglecting her very important responsibilities of petting me, giving me treats, and keeping me happy.

I first discovered her absence Saturday. I spent much of the day looking for her, going so far as to venture Downstairs. I thought perhaps she had gone Outside (she does that sometimes), so I went to the north door. Each time I went to the door, a staff member scooped me up and returned me to the Upstairs. This charade was repeated several times, until I was locked up in a office.

I have made my displeasure clear to the rest of the staff, so that they are sure to relay my unhappiness to Karen. They have assured me that she did not intend to hurt my feelings in any way, and will love me twice as much when she returns. I have heard that she is miserable on Vacation (because I am not with her), and she can't wait to return to the Library to see me. This is understandable, since I am a very handsome and lovable Cat, and I suppose I will have to forgive her.

The Assistant Assistant Bosses have assured me that everything possible will be done to keep me happy, and so far they have done a pretty good job. When I am locked up, it is always with a companion, and my meows are met with hugs and pets. I have been given many, many treats, and my tummy is frequently rubbed.

I suppose these Vacation things are permissible from time to time.

Now I must get back to instructing Cathie about the importance of neck massages.



Wednesday, January 7, 2009


On Tuesday evening I startled Assistant Assistant Boss Chris Hawkins, who was working in her office. I did not mean to scare her, but I wanted to make sure that she was working back there (she was). I meowed a big Meow, and I guess she wasn't expecting me, so I scared her a bit. I was just trying to do my supervisory duties, but Assistant Assistant Boss Chris called Assistant Assistant Boss Christine and asked her to retrieve me.

So Christine came and got me, and locked me in the Processing Office. Can you believe it?

What's worse is that she took pictures of me! And she was smiling about it!

Here I am saying
Let me out of here!

Here I am saying
How dare you?

Here I am saying
You are demoted to Litterbox Scooper!

I need to train my nighttime coworkers to understand that at 6:00 pm, I expect full access to library nooks and crannies. It is very hard for me to do my job when I am cooped up in an office. One of the customers even commented on my captivity; perhaps they will rally around me and insist that the Boss should not be locked up.

I gave AAB Christine a stern talking to, but it probably won't help. This morning she tackled me to keep me from going downstairs. Some humans are very hard to train.

Aside from my coworkers having the notion that they can decide where I should be stationed at any given time, I am having a nice week. I have polished off one can of treats, and am working on two other packages at the same time! The food here is excellent!

Meows & Purrs,


Saturday, January 3, 2009

“Flycatcher” Added to Job Description

Assistant Boss Karen caught me in the act of catching flies, so she has added this new task to my job description. I caught my first one at 4:22 p.m., Saturday, January 3, in a west window. He was still warm and pretty tasty. Because I have no fingernails, she had to help me onto the window ledge, but I alerted her to the urgency of the situation and she responded. I am hoping Bonnie and Gary appreciate my help with this custodial chore.

Bonnie found a small toy soldier and assumed he was mine, but Karen assured her that I am a pacifist. The soldier will be placed in the library’s Lost & Found bin and maybe a family will claim it. Of course I am a pacifist--what else could I be with no nails and no (ahem) active male parts. I don’t believe I need to say more on this subject.

We had a very busy day at the library today and I am sure the library ladies will be happy to go home and put their feet up. They finished the day by folding and putting out the current newsletter. I am happy to note that typist Melissa Darnell put my picture on pages one and three and also invited people to visit me in my office.

My staff have two concerns: they are not pleased that I am rearranging my book display on the upper level. I decided that the book Dog Breath, the Horrible Trouble with Hally Tosis by Dav Pilkey was far too prominent, so I knocked it out of the window. What self-respecting Boss Cat wants to look at a grinning dog with his yucky green tongue hanging out?

Karen had put a snowman gourd on her desk, and when I visited her office before we opened at 10:00 a.m. today, I decided to sample the ribbon around the guy’s neck. She gave me a stern “no,” so I did not try another sample. It worked like a charm: she praised my good behavior and gave me a treat. I am learning how to manage my staff--and I also know who keeps treats in what desk drawers. Last week I knocked a wood burned gourd off Karen’s desk and she found it on the carpet the next morning. My readers (and Assistants) MUST understand: the thing is a reptile with slanty eyes and it spins very nicely. I have not yet moved her gourd top nor gourd paper clip holder, but I have my eye, if not my paw, on them. Part of my nightly responsibility is to make sure that everything is working properly.

By the way, did you notice my New Year’s resolution on the bulletin board? I chose, “I will not eat any more important cords.”